May 13, 2008 By Rich Taylor - Special to the Times
With the end of every youth sports season comes the team parties, which in turn means selecting gifts for the coaches.
Parents pass the collection plate and after $1.95 has been collected if they're not fond of the coach, or a $195 if they are, the hunt for a gift begins.
Usually, the parent who got suckered into searching for a gift because the others don't want to make a mistake, gets the same old easy way out gift certificate or a coffee mug full of beef jerky.
Let me tell you what coaches don't want, don't need and don't care to have adorned in their living rooms. Having hung around these guys and girls long enough I think I'm a bit of an authority on this subject.
On the male side coaches don't want another Starbucks gift card no matter how much money is on it. They don't want to be forced to visit the same place all the time. They're perfectly content at strolling into 7-Eleven or an AM/PM Mini Mart, and besides, ordering a blended decaf grande latte frappachino mocha with whip cream is way to much to think of on game day.
Don't get them a gift card at a restaurant that promotes screaming kids or is so loud you can't hear yourself ordering. They put up with that all season. Why continue the torment? Unless, of course, your not fond of the coach. In that case, set him up with a Chuck-E-Cheese eight hour party.
Sports store paraphernalia or a gift card is also out of the question. He's a coach, get it! He has sports stuff and a bag full of equipment. His closet is full of stuff he never wears. His shoes smell but he doesn't want designer walking sandals.
If you've been to any coach's house you'll realize they don't need another plaque or trophy that says "world's greatest coach," or "you did a good job coaching this year even though my kid couldn't play shortstop." Most of these plaques end up in the garage, behind the stereo, or under the welcome mat.
While any bookstore has a wealth of knowledge, no coach wants to comb the aisles looking for a novel off the best seller's list and they certainly won't pick up a self help book, because, well, they couldn't possibly learn any more than they already know. So, no gift here.
From the female point of view, women coaches don't need another gift certificate from one of those aroma smelling body and bath stores. They haven't used the six year supply they've already accumulated and they've taken so many baths trying to use it all, they feel like a prune.
That other store that says they have everything beyond bed and baths, is another place to stay away from. That soccer ball pillow, softball style comforter or cute sports rug won't make it out of the closet.
Candles are a nice touch, and women can't get enough of them, but they're more of a Mother's Day gift. Since you bought the athletic field scent it forces them to make a choice of where to put it among the other 121 candles they have, and when to use it.
Now, what do coaches really want?
Well, any male coach would say they want four box seats to a professional game and a full supply of garlic fries for the entire contest. They love their kids, but on this day they prefer serenity, peanuts and cold beverages that were brewed in the rocky mountains.
A baseball trip to Fenway Park, Yankee Stadium, Camden Yards and Wrigley Field is also high on the list. A little pricey for a coaches gift, but, hey, was this guy a good coach or what? Maybe they'll take one of you along.
Cruises, seat warmers on the SUV, a jet ski, golf at Pebble Beach, an all weekend poker trip to Las Vegas and a full time sports nanny are also gifts any coach would cherish.
On the other hand, women coaches would like that gift certificate to Starbucks. Unlike their male counterparts, they like the routine of going to one place, talking until noon and meeting their every Friday morning until Christmas.
Jewelry at Tiffany's would be a nice touch as well as the Brighton store, and it's something they'll definitely wear instead of stashing it in the junk drawer.
Other top picks for women's coaches are a shopping spree at Santana Row, Kathy Van Zeeland purses or any DSW shoe store. Yes, they would prefer the whole store, not just a few paltry items.
Can't decide yet!
Well, how about a gas card. For all the trips they made to the field to coach your kid they deserve it. These days, it's worth more than all of the above.
Rich Taylor Rich Taylor is the owner, head instructor and CEO of California Pitching Academy. He is a former pitching coach at Pepperdine University and Chicago White Sox scout. He founded the West Coast Baseball School. He has more than 20 years of youth coaching experience and wrote the book "Molding the Young Pitcher." His regular column appears twice a month. Send him an email.
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